This isn't coherent in any way... just thoughts I had to get off my chest .
It's true that life's reality is a rather painful one for those who dare venture into its vast depth. Uncertainty lines the pathways we run through, and doubt waits just beyond the checkpoint.
Too many of us rely on what we want to see, and don't listen to what's really in front of us. We open our hearts to what we think will save us, help us, get rid of these uncomfortable feelings.
Our hearts pour our to one another, thinking that we'll have something in common with the next person.
Our hearts retract in fear of the subsequent pain we will eventually face, the doubt that had once before seeped through our barriers.
Our motives are set on finding and maintaining pleasure; a lot of time at others cost, But then again someone's gotta get caught in the blast for power fame and recognition...right?
Someone has to pay the cost for causality to really have its effect.
Our thoughts hope that the glass is half full, instead of half empty, and we search for infinite happiness with a blind eye fixed on illusions.
Not everyone will know ... I know I didn't when I stepped out of that door that day.
Subjective hopes brought me to think I'd be okay, and you know what?
Once it synced with the objective truth, the smile on my face lead me to believe that I have done the right thing. [I'm on my way to where I need to be].
Human nature is a complex concept, where people rise, fall, disappear, and shine day in and day out.
Where people mess up, and where people have the potential to do great things, and overcome the doubt that was placed in front of us.
Where people gain insight, and look past all that they deem as redundant.
Where, to feel safe in this bound of unknowns they associate themselves with a higher governing power.
Where people look to protect what they have known to hold dear, what they want others to see in them.
And you know, that's all fine...that's how they make sense of their world and the world of objective reality.
I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, I have no recollection of ever wanting to harm anyone... wait... not like that anyways.
My list of disappointments that I have projected onto others will continue to grow each and every day.
My fears will continue to get in my way day after day, and I'll show a billion more tears before I pass away.
I will fail at getting my point across at countless debate; both formal and casual.
I will eventually come to realize all the wrong that I've done, and where that has gotten me; where that hasn't gotten me.
I will continue to loose myself in wishful thinking of what I want to come true, or leave behind. The shadow in our hearts will continue to grow deeper as we reach a more insightful stage in our lives.
How we deal with this ever growing shadow depends on the individual " To each their own".
The malice that lurks just beneath the heart will fight to resurface, fight for control.
Our selfish gain will tell us to leave others behind; forget about what isn't beneficial for you.
And we will continue to experience pain, as we part with those who those close to us; as we fall victim to the path of another; as we ourselves use dishonest means of getting ahead.
The world we live in will continue to produce miracles that some may disapprove of.
We will drown ourselves in the cycle of competition, only to ward off feelings of inferiority.
Once obtained; power will corrupt and continue to draw darkness in what we have fought to keep pure.
Nature will continue to remind of metaphorical obstacles that each of us will have to face.
We will indulge in obsession as a way of coping with all the different forms of pain.
Tests of character will continue to emerge.
Can you live up to your potential, or fall through the cracks into invisibility and routine? Feelings; Emotions will always get in the way of one's better, more logical judgment, and cloud what could easily be seen as a clear objective.
Mirrors that reflect a morphing image will continue to question who you are; and you'll eventually ask yourself if what you see is truly you.
The values that fill as the feathers of my wings will continue to fall and regrow; each one different from before.
I have to own up to my faults, my lack ofs, my losses, my delusions, in order to finally grow the pair of wings I've always dreamed of.
I will have to fight for what I believe in; take the first step, second step, third step, leap!
I, no doubt am not perfect, and with I go through in my life truly is my own.
I feel an isolation that helps motivate me to be seen from within the crowd; I hope I can do this without stepping on other people's heads.
All the adversity, or trials I've had to face have presented themselves to me for reasons I may never understand until the time comes to use my shortcomings against themselves.
Nothing is EVER guaranteed, Nothing is ever infinite, nothing is ever impossible.
I hold a great kindness, a contradictory animosity, and potential to shed the doubt for good.
Hold great conviction for what you believe in; watch it grow, nourish it and take care of it.
For some reason, this gentle kiss imprinted in my heart shows me that life is what you make of it.
Although you can't control the doubt that waits for you beyond that closed door, you can control if you let that doubt affect you, you can control whether or not you turn that doubt into courage. I'm unreliable in always providing answers to the questions that stream through my mind and the questions that I'm asked in class, by my friends, and those elders who have already experienced my type of tests.
Others may project their connotations of me in ways that I may not agree with.
I may blindly walk astray from my path before realizing that I don't belong anywhere but where I am now.
But I'm overjoyed that I have countless chances, that my freedom enables me to make these mistakes and still keep my head on my shoulders.
I will loose some and win some, and will accept that the only constant thing in life is change. It's that beauty that keeps forgiveness strong, and optimism even stronger.
I've been given the courage to shout out to the world; a present I got from the me in my dreams. The sun, moon, rain and stars, have all given me different presents that will enable me to start from scratch.
I must walk on this lonely path that I Created.
I must stay true to it... See where it will bring me... walk in the lead of my intuition.
Life is beautiful, and no matter what I have to face, I will always keep that statement close to my heart.
§hawntal<3
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