Upon taking my first breath this year
I was surrounded by it... protected by it
It drew a new kind of strength
One I first mistook for infatuation,
And yet it was still so kind, forgiving, loving.
I was tainted by something that would later
Gave me the greatest power I've received to date!
From that one moment of isolating darkness,
When he said those daunting words to me,
I panicked, and even tried to detach from it...
The greatest lesson I could ever learn.
I grew obsessed with the sadness that grew,
In what I blindly labeled my tattered heart.
Bitter and running unwillingly, I cried out,
Hoping to fix a problem I dropped on someone else...
When in fact, all this time, the problem has been
... Me!!!
The only one who was wrong was me...
I'm in my own way...and in turn,
I have been hurting myself for so long...why?
Why must I continue to be so childish,
Running away from greatness,
At the expense of taking the easy way out?
So for the next little while I surround myself
With an ominous darkness meant for healing.
One that would take the pain I felt and use it to nourish.
I was free to look into evil lurking inside...
My goal- to purge it before it completely controls me.
It's like I had sold my soul to the devil,
In exchange for a feeling of completeness.
This feeling didn't even come from me!!
It was the worst kind of fixation.
I wanted to harbor off the feelings of someone else
But I was proven wrong... That's not how it works!
I want to be free from the bounds I've enclosed myself in
I want to show the world that I am competent.
That I can make a difference that will help ease their suffering.
What I need to do in order to achieve such a status,
I must surpass my worst enemy, my best friend
my over indulgent mirror image, my weight and chains.
I need to start accepting and upholding responsibility.
Make sure I stay true to the core I once embraced.
To taint it again would be like throwing my life away...
It took some time, but I've finally realized,
I've got a new fire in my eyes, a new inspiration!
I have finally admitted that I need help, but
only to keep me on the right track.
I hate how dependent I've become, I feel so heavy!
This year has shown me some of the most profound insight,
The most profound allure, and the most profound love.
I can honestly say that I have been given a great life,
A great chance to do great things!
Even though I keep stumbling along the way,
I keep running away from those who show me guidance and care.
I must change my mind, and therefore change my life.
I must actively shoot for the stars,
Making sure I keep the morbid fog from consuming me,
Because for the first time In my life,
I've got something to prove, and that must be done by me.
The present day has me learning vastly beyond my years.
I'm grateful for the numerous opportunities...
There are great events and people in my life,
That I know will later test me.
That's why I will wear this profound strength,
Around my shoulders, keeping my head and heart intact.
There's a fierce battle ahead, and I must make sure I'm ready.
What a relief that I caught myself in the nick of time!
I've got another smile on my face,
Reminding me that I am the embodiment of strength.
I've got another smile back at me,
When really I should be smiling back at him in thanks.
I can't tell the future, or wish my way through life,
as it gets tougher, and more complex with passing space and time.
I must fight through the bad, and emphasis the profound good
Not a good I can solely use to take advantage of others
But a Good that can shed a pure light on the unknown
One that can be remembered, influential, and
Truly Profound...
§hawntal<3
